The History of Love: Ken

(Ken circa late 70's???)

When I was a little girl, I would often think about falling in love. I guess getting married would be something that would naturally follow such a thing. The man I imagined falling in love with...was faceless. Abstract. He followed along the footsteps of no prototype. And now I know why. Now, when I think of love, and I automatically see his face:

Now, today, his image is readily available to me.
<<<<----------------------------This is my future husband!

(the day we got engaged, September 29, 2009)

When I first met K., we found ourselves seated back-to-back on an ottoman at a meet-and-greet party for grad school (for acting).I was 20, he was 26. I wore a sour expression with heavy black eyeliner and a red bandana around my head. We were both attached at the time...but I was in love with a boy who'd gone to study French in France. Some would call it puppy-love, not very complex, and very short-lived, and moderately tumultuous. If that even makes sense.

I was determined to not have a good time my first few weeks in grad school......

Meanwhile, on the ottoman: Ken said to me "Back-to-back. Just like the old days. Right, Deanna?" I was caught off-guard. Didn't want to make friends. Wha??? "Um, yeah". It was a reference to "Waiting for Godot", though I didn't know it at the time....

(me and K. in London in 2004. Here, the bandana takes on a more tame approach -- though this is the same bandana I wore that first night we met)

...The next day, I was late to class.

"I had gotten lost in the building", I said, to which my voice teacher raised a brow and didn't say a word. It's true, I lied. And she knew better. Our first exercise was to describe to a partner our favorite place - or place we love that carries the most meaning for us. Ken and I were assigned to each other: We were often partnered together throughout grad school, especially this first year. Ken looked at me with concern and said: "So, what happened?" I explained I just wasn't really together, and then described a bench on the Carl Sandburg home in Flat Rock, NC where my sweetheart and I would frequent. K. described a rooftop in LA. He spoke of the music and the aroma of the food nearby.

Signs of predestiny:
*In acting class, K. and I were assigned partners for a month - Meisner activities and repetition, and K. and I were assigned to work props ("Team Props") as part of our assistantship that first year. He quickly became the person I was always looking for whenever I was out and about. When he showed up, I knew everything was going to be alright, alright. And when he wasn't there, and it wasn't fun, I knew it was because he wasn't
there. He was my "favorite" (classmate? person? your choice).

I loved him so much! I loved being around him! (Still do, you can all breathe a sigh of relief).

(This picture was taken in 2003 during our second-year after the closing matinee of "The Competition". I played a Russian magician, and he played a Russian errand-boy. His part was bigger than mine). ----------------------->>>>>>>

*Our final scene in Acting class, where we played a couple who'd had a one-night stand and then an abortion -- was in a word -- stellar.

*He was even brought up in my end-of-the-year assessment. Rick Cannon said I was almost quiet to a fault, but seeing as how I'm always hanging around Ken (yes, I said his name), he could understand how I "couldn't get a word-in-edgewise". I was proud of how obvious our friendship had become to others.

Our first fight was during the summer after our first year. I'd taken a job at the Asolo Theatre's call center, after he had. In fact, I'm certain that he was the reason I was brave enough to consider cold-calling people as a telemarketer. There were four middle-aged-and-beyond women in the call-center with us, all with deliciously distinct vocal patterns. They were top-sellers, as was he, but as I grew up painfully shy, I lacked basic salesmanship skills. So, he thought I should call myself "Elektra". Thought that might bolster some subscriptions, and get me a commission. I did try it - on an answering machine...

But the whole ordeal was too depressing (this was before my experience in NYC, so my skin was shamefully delicate) and Sarasota was blistering. Plus, my brother was getting married in a few weeks, so I decided to just GO HOME for the summer. I was watching my roommate's cat, while she was in London, and needed to get another keeper. Ken? Ken? We set up a play date for our cats, and I casually prolonged my ETA -- due to a night out with a friend, and he was, rightly, upset. He got me on the phone and said I was "flighty!" and "irresponsible!"....

And we didn't talk for an entire month or so...

Till he wrote me an email out-of-the blue, apologized for his overreaction, and offered to pick me up at the Sarasota Airport for a dawn of a new year. He did, and I even remember what he was wearing: A black Hawaiian shirt with guitars and ladies in grass skirts. It's still one of my favorite shirts (I'm one of the few women I know who like Hawaiian shirts on men :P).

(here he is the summer after this, in London on one of our many bus tours, 2004):

.....There was another year that went by.....
..............where similar things occurred..............
he would often appear on lunch dates with me and my then boyfriend. This happened more than a couple times. I think my bf and I were both too polite to let him know he was third-wheelin' it. Sorry darling, it's true!


And then we went to London with our acting class! Where I would spend time with him, but not an unusual amount of time. He would enjoy many experiences separate from mine, including Amsterdam. I? Italy.


BUT, we did manage to fly back on the same connecting flight from Milano...SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER.

He protected me from the youngsters sitting behind me who were kicking my seat with their over-sized feet ("Now is the time you need to stop doing that. Ok? No more.") He scared the bejeebus out of them.

(Ken and I in Hampstead Heath, England, Summer 2004)

I had no clue that in a few months, we'd be dating...Even when a classmate said to me, in Italy, out-of-the-blue, "Kenny loves you, Deanna. You can't deny it", I had no clue.

I will spare you from the sordid details (details are always followed by something sordid, no?) of the next few months, but I will say that my love for Kenny - which was platonic, I thought - changed in one moment. And I knew he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. (Though I didn't really tell him that for a while).

The Plays:
Our first show together as an item was "Peter Pan". I played an Ostrich and he played a Wolf. We had a short bit together which covered a scene change. It involved him terrorizing me and chasing me off the stage. Laughter ensued.

Then, we played many parts opposite each other in "Sherlock Holmes & the West End Horror"
Our next show together was in NYC...as fate would have it, we played lovers in "The Merchant of Venice", cast without reading opposite each other, auditioning separately, along with everyone else in NYC.

It would be another two years before we would act together: This time, in a story of his creation, angel/buddy, which made it to the Fringe Festival. Did I mention Ken is my favorite writer?

He is my favorite writer....

He's published, too. But that doesn't matter....

I love his plays for the same reasons I love him. They are the opposite of boring. Dark, bitingly funny, and original. But TRUTH-seeking, they are grounded in truth. His point-of-view is ever-so specific and deep.

Although angel/buddy took a lot out of him, and went into production just before a difficult time for us, I remember the rehearsals for this show were, to me, something like Heaven. Working with friends, creating something together, acting in something he wrote (WITH him): a dream.





[Ken and I performing in "angle/buddy" as part of the 2007 NYC International Fringe Festival. he played Buddy; and I played Gina (his ex), an alien, Angel's mother during an hallucination, and a beggar who was really an alien also.]

Most recently, we played in a 5-minute piece performed with Project: Theatre's OUR BAR. Written by him. I can't wait to act with him again...

But enough about plays....

At my very core....

Ken
......makes
...........me
...............feel
...................like
........................I've found my way home.





(the day we got engaged, at the Bronx Zoo. I like this picture because the camera angle distorted my nose and it looks really small).

When I was a little girl, I never felt lonely (though I spent much time alone), because I was always writing - and acting out the things I wrote. I'd record it on my tape recorder - like a big dorkess. I'd carry this tape recorder wherever I went. This included songs. I still have the songs, and I must admit -- I was a pretty funny little girl. But, some of these ideas I had were so embarrassingly silly. I always thought no one else did stuff like that.

I am so thankful Ken is as silly as I am: When we create (write songs, webisodes, whatever), it reminds me of that intangible, unreachable part of my most likable self - the self I was when I was at my most innocent. And I feel as though I've come home.
I couldn't be happier to marry K. He was faceless before, and now he has this face. He's my love.

*He's the SMARTEST guy I've ever known who happens to be the easiest relatable. He is a force of nature. He has boundless energy that revitalizes my sagging energy.
*He is not in the slightest superficial -- Thank GOD for this.
*He is a great cook: frittatas, roast chicken, pasta...
*He was a boyscout, was for many years. (His Dad -- while a doctor {and I mean internist} -- was also boyscout leader, which is a testiment to the way K. was raised and the caliber of my new family). K. can do pretty much anything around the house (including fancy boy-scout knots around cardboard boxes).
*He is my favorite teacher (he taught me to run and to play guitar), AND he's my most avid supporter. One of the reasons I'm a yoga teacher is because of him -- he planted the seed in my little head. He also gives up hours out of his week to coach my audition pieces.
*He boils water for me when the bath is too cold.
*When he had a car, he'd often drive me to work at 11:30pm for my night shift: Just to make my life more comfortable, and to see me succeed.
*He has amazing red hair. As my Dad would say, "That's good protein".

He makes me feel at home. I love our love. What more can I say?

Can I go on a bit more? Okay. Thanks.

I've never known a mind like his. The way he talks. His deliberate choice of words. So very on-point. His point-of-view, his "take on things". The way he sees the world. The way he verbalizes these thoughts....I'm always interested to hear what he has to say. It's like an elixer. I get high off of it.

I was not a very verbal person. I grew up around some visual artists (I am an amateur artist, myself). There's a virtue in this as well. But, as I'm so often unable to voice exactly what I'm thinking, I am in awe as he does precisely this.

(Ken and I in Jackson Hole, WY this past Christmas at my great-Aunt's ranch)

In recent years, Ken's become a talented bloggist (Sorry to plug "Omless" again, it just happened that way :)). His fascination of Mo the Chimpanzee is unrivaled. Be sure to check out "Chimp on a Segway", a song he wrote to go along with this crazy chimp. He wrote it in our recording studio he made.

(above us circa 2005, below 2009)

When I was a little girl....I wrote and illustrated a book called "The Little Girl of the Clown". I wrote/illustrated in detail my prince charming.

I was a little princess who went off to find her love. My sister married someone rich. But I wound up with some clown in a field. I'll scan it and show you one day. The picture is pretty apt. I'm just sittin' there hangin' out with some guy with clown makeup on.

The metaphor is accurate. Not that you're a clown, Ken. You're just who I want. I chose you (as I hope you chose me).

Happy Valentine's Day, Ken.
I love you!
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